Monday, May 31, 2010

Double Cone Please.

So today you get two for the price of one...two cones of shame.

I went to the park today to enjoy a beautiful afternoon on this Memorial Day Holiday weekend.
I was sitting in the park, enjoying the sun, the scenery and my quaint little picnic that I had brought for me and my boyfriend.

I noticed two women with two cute dogs sitting caddy-corner to us when we first arrived. They seemed normal enough -- not two people that I thought would be so deserving of the double-cone-0f-shame. But alas, the winners of these cones come in all shapes and sizes, and we can never know when someone will be deserving of such an award.

The first one gets an award for her ridiculously annoying dog and her obnoxious cigarette smoke. As all of the park goers sat there today attempting to enjoy the beautiful outdoors that this NYC park provides, this woman's dog continued to interrupt the tranquility that I assume everyone at the park sought. Let me take a detour for one minute before I crown this woman with her cone. I am a gigantic dog lover. I love them -- all of them, any dog, anytime, I love them. I laugh at dogs, I cry for dogs that have no home, I get happy just seeing dogs walk down the street. I often think it's cute when they bark or snort (as my favorite breeds do -- you know who you are). I love dogs. I watch every National Geographic, Discovery, TLC or Animal Channel program about dogs. I love them. I do not however, love the annoying owners who make no attempt whatsoever to control their dogs when their dogs are nervous, stressed or worried. Which was clearly the case today. This woman had a small breed -- and every time anyone or anything walked within 25 feet of the dog, it began barking like a maniac. It was obviously stressed or fearful or just suffering from a Napoleanic complex. The owner, however, was either deaf (which I don't think was the case since she was more concerned with her cell phone conversation than with her barking dog) or she just did not care that her dog was being somewhat annoying. As she sat in the grass, with the dog pulling on the leash barking incessantly, she did nothing to calm her dog down or stop it from barking. Unfortunately for me, this barking lasted during our entire picnic which made it somewhat less enjoyable. On top of that, she was more concerned with lighting her cigarettes and having the smoke blow across the laps of the other park goers. Yes, I know smoking in public is not a crime and that it's where people who smoke go to smoke: outside. And I doubt that I would have coned this woman today but for her double-whammy: the dog and the smoking. One, standing alone, probably would not have earned her the cone of shame. However, today, with her two annoying features, she gets the cone of shame. So to you Smokey the Bear in the Park with your annoying barking dog -- you shall wear a cone of shame.

Now, for your second dose of conedom. Along with the a smoking dog owner, came her SWF friend. Many who know me know that when someone copies me, it really gets my goat. I know the ole expression goes: "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." But it annoys me more than flatters me. As we sat attempting to enjoy the day, I found clover in the grass where we were sitting. I told my BF that when I was younger and had to entertain myself at my brother's various sporting events, my mother had taught me to make necklaces and bracelets out of the sturdy clover. So I walked around the area where we were seated and gathered up some clover to make a lovely Memorial Day weekend necklace. Alas, when I was finished, I put the necklace on and we began to admire my handy-work as I sang "Crimson and Clover." When suddenly, we look over, and the pal of the aforementioned annoying dog woman is walking around, gathering up clover. She then begins to start making a necklace out of the clover. This along with the yipping Napoleanic dog and the cigarette smoke made me annoyed and I deemed that this Single White Female shall get the cone of shame for copying me. I said right then and there: That's it. She shall wear the cone today as well. (I know, I know, now I'm just being a brat. . . . I think it was the smoke that went to my head, because even as I sit here now typing this, I realize it's really not cone-worthy, but oh well). To at least help justify her cone I will say that she should get a cone of shame just for not telling her friend to quiet the dog or stop the smoking.

Well that's it for now. I have more cones to dole out, but they will have to wait for another time. Until then, try to be conscious of those around you and maybe you won't be the target of my next cone of shame.

So there you have it, the double cone.

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